I recently opened my first account with Chase Bank.  As part of opening that account, I made an initial check deposit.  Today, I received a letter saying that deposit is on hold because “the deposited check is not consistent with the account’s normal deposit activity.”

This is an initial deposit in a brand new account, it is 100% (1 out of 1) of the account’s “normal deposit activity”.  Duh!

It gets worse, the letter includes nonsensical statements such as this (referring to the deposit): “If the item is returned to us unpaid, your account will be charged for the amount of this item.”  Huh?

And the comedy continues.  The signature area of their credit card seems to be coated with some chemical that makes it impossible for pen ink to stick, so I could not sign the card with any of my pens.  Ironically, the credit card is branded as “Ink”.  It should have been “No Ink”.

I’m now seriously concerned I let this institution handle my money.  This bank seems to have trouble even with foundational probabilistic reasoning (such as 1/1 = 100%).  I probably should have known better than to hand my money to folks who brand their credit cards “Ink”.  Jeez.  Then again, you would think that if their branding was this bad, they must be good at something else.  Besides,  I’m too lazy to change banks or move my money out.  My laziness is Chase Bank’s friend.